Putin is delaying the invasion again because he has a dentist appointment today and he has already postponed twice


MOSCOW — President Vladimir Putin has once again postponed his army’s ground invasion of Ukraine because he has a dentist appointment today and has already been rescheduled twice. Although the appointment is for a routine cleaning, the Russian president believes it would be rude to postpone once again.

“I really want to invade Ukraine, but I can’t put off this dental appointment any further,” Putin said. “They charge you 1,500 rubles every time you cancel. I can’t bear this little fee. Also, I feel like if I cancel again, they’ll be really annoyed at me, which might hurt them. to speak ill of me, which would then be demanding that I poison them with the nerve agent Novichok. We cannot accept that!

President Biden, who has so far insisted that the artillery bombardment of Ukraine did not yet constitute an invasion, called Putin a trickster. “Listen, folks,” Biden told a Russian doll he mistook for the Ukrainian ambassador. “My polls will go up if Russia invades so we have to do this! Do you understand me, Jack? This dental work is just a smokescreen. Mark my words, he will invade tonight!”

The Kremlin has reported that even if the dentist appointment goes well, he will not engage in a Ukrainian invasion tomorrow. Military experts assume this is because it makes no sense for him to tell anyone when and if he is invading.

At the time of publication, Putin had two cavities and the dentist had mysteriously disappeared.

This woman – uh, Wymxn? – was arrested for driving alone in the carpool lane. But she has a surefire way to get away with it: her favorite pronoun is them!

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